can i just have one more moondance wih you. `my love.

Friday, July 29, 2005

i remember on the day you were put in icu, the whole family rushed down. then we were only allowed to go in two by two. so when i went in, daddy was in there already. i walked in and daddy said, yong en is here. yong en is going to start school in NUS in august. in three years time she will graduate. dont you want to be at her graduation ceremony?

and you nodded in acknowledgement.

-

the thing that makes me sad the most is our memories. and how i am so afraid i would forget how you talked, walked, smiled or looked at me. then i look at your senior citizen friends from church and how they visited you on the same day i stayed there for a long time.. and they were so sweet. they encouraged you and told you to hurry get well soon so you can come out of hospital and be able to go to church with them. and go for the senior citizen karaoke sessions together.

your optimism is actually one thing that makes my heart ache. you told a group of people that its ok, they can visit you at home when you check out of hospital. and that hope you had before you had the heart operation.. i miss you so much more.

you're really enjoying yourself now.
i will too, when we meet again.
smile for me. (:

Godrocksmysocks (: - 29.7.05

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

and he is finally free.
30 MAY 1929 - 25 JULY 2005

i am sure without a doubt you are smiling and can never be any more happier than you are right now. perhaps you are dancing, or singing. but i know for sure you have no more difficulty breathing and you can walk run jump. there are no tears in your eyes and there is definitely no pain. so how does heaven look like?

you lived a beautiful life, especially the last ten years of your life. when you came to know Christ and took that step of faith to get baptised, i was so proud of you. i couldnt help but smile each time i saw you in church. then you would grin back with your usual tightlip smile. you didnt say much, just smiled and said hey.

i remember when i was young you and nai nai would come to our house everyday to babysit jie and i. both of you would come early in the morning and play games with me while jiejie was in school. then when she came home from kindergarden, nai nai would cook lunch and the four of us would eat together. then i remember you always ate so fast. jiejie and i would be busy picking our food and nai nai would try to feed us. but you always ate the fastest. then we would all laugh and call you areoplane. i remember you gave yourself that name. i also remember you joking about your big ears and saying they were like dumbo the elephant's ears. that always cracked us up.

soon you were unable to come too often because your legs hurt. and we saw less and less of you. i even remember there was once when you went on a holiday to china with nai nai but had to come back early because of the pain in your legs. and that morning when i woke up to go to school, i came downstairs only to find you and nai nai sitting in our living room. i was pretty shocked but that will always be one of my memories.

you and nai nai even came to our house when we stayed at the rented house while the present house was being renovated. and i remember coming home from school on the school bus then seeing you in the living room. usually wearing a white collared shirt and black pants. it was usually the same.

then fastfoward to the past one month, it made me really sad to see you being confined to the bed because you couldnt move your feet. i tried to cheer you up by visiting you whenever i could. and when you were sent to icu and had to do the op, it gnawed at my heart.

i remember the last thing i ever said to you was, ye ye ni zhi dao wo men dou hen ai ni. (translation: grandpa, you know we all love you a lot) and you said xie xie. that was the last conversation we ever had. the last thing i ever said to you and the last thing you ever said to me. i am truly at rest and glad i didnt say anything stupid before i could make up for it. i suppose everything i ever wanted to say in this life knowing you was in that sentence. and i meant it much more.

i looked through the photo albums today and saw pictures of your 60th birthday. it was a big thing, all the relative were there. but when we were taking photos, the one special thing i noticed about it was, you were carrying me. i was two years old then, so tiny beside you. out of all the cousins standing at the birthday cake with you, you carried me. there is this beautiful picture of you carrying me and neither of us are looking at the camera. i am looking to the left and you are looking at me.
that's my special kodak moment.

i wont say byebye because that is so final. i shall say see you again because i know i will.
and meanwhile. i miss you, ye ye.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 26.7.05

Thursday, July 21, 2005

yay! evelyn and i are staying in the same block in the same hall! i have a block friend. (:

i totally need to cut my hair. but i'm just leaving it till sunday, then it'll be changed. but just a little shorter and thinned. nothing drastic i think. i wont be able to handle it.

ROAR. the yearbook isnt moving at the correct rate.

and i need to pee. i need to eat. i need to exercise.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 21.7.05

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

i'll sing in the darkness
i'll laugh in the rain
rejoice in Your love again
Your song of freedom
now i'm free to dance again

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU GOD
i am happy (:

a series of happenings, and a line of trauma. my grandpa has been in hospital, and on sunday night was moved to icu. then more serious stuff and then he had to have an operation on the heart. there was a great risk of the D-word. but it all went smoothly! ahhh praise God! i was so scared. but my worst fears are gone. gonegonegone! and n0w i can smilesmilesmile! but of course there still is fear for the consequences. that's tough.

ruebenwong is mad. he came all the way to my house last night to pass me one of his cellgroup pages. cos jeff only completed one and begged for a further deadline and i agreed on tuesday. then reuben is in charge of it and since he wasnt able to pass it to me on tuesday, he came last night. haha he's mad! i told him saturday is fine, but he still came all the way. alright then. it's dedication. and maybe it's just that i live near ben ng so it was easier to find my house. ah well. the page is safely at my house now, BARAKIANS can sleep peacefully.

idontlikeitwhenguysdestroygirlsfriendshipsinthatyouknowwhatway

Godrocksmysocks (: - 19.7.05

Thursday, July 14, 2005

FREE PUBLICITY.

SAMUEL CHIN, WIEKY, MATTHEW, GERALD AND THE OTHER GUY.

they are going to perform at expo. at the open space, near to rocky master. this band is good. cos i've heard them play before. but i cant remember if i heard them as a band together. i've heard individuals though. and they are good.

so catch them live
24july2005
9pm

and then you can tell me if they are good as a band.
(:

Godrocksmysocks (: - 14.7.05

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

ben ng is a great neighbour. he just delivered durians to my house! he just suddenly asked me if i wanted, and five minutes later, he appeared outside my house with two big bags of durians. oh man oh man. ben rocks. hahaha he's a great neighbour. did i say that already? he asks me to go exercising with him, which i dont. and he voluntarily comes to my house when i need to pass stuff to him so i dont have to get out of the house. and now he gives me durians to eat! thanks ben! you get a post about your nice-ness in return.

ok i think i need to clarify something. regarding my perfect guy to marry. HAHA. ok this guy, is just a perfect guy to marry. i would like to marry someone like that. but i dont think i'll ever marry HIM. and i dont like HIM. he's a nice guy though. and that's that. haha so yes. i think this will make things clearer. hahaha cos people have been asking. ah well i deserve it.

anyway.
ATTENTION ALL YM LEADERS
CELL PAGES DUE 16JULY
for all cellpages which are late, every cell member of the cell group must pay 10cents to each committee member for every day's delay.
there are EIGHT committee members in total.
you can submit in SOFTCOPY too.
thank you!! (:

i am falling sick. my throat is dry. i have a blocked nose. and i feel a bit feverish. cold when it's a super super hot weather. grr. and really tired.
NO I AM NOT FALLING SICK. it will pass.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 13.7.05

Sunday, July 10, 2005

i am in absolute lovelovelove with this song!

Jesus, we lift You on our praises.
so every eye will see Your face
Your power and grace
Behold You as You really are.

ahhh. and i lovelovelove my grandpa and grandma so much! i want to be a good granddaughter. (:

and rahhh my forth toe on my left foot is really rotting. ugh. its super disgusting. i think there are blisters too. but why on earth! mmm super weird. it's ultimate gross. i want to chop it off. but then i want to have toes too.

and evelyn peng, i am not gonna be your maid! that's final. hahahha and i'm sure nus sells soap and shampoo too. (:

Godrocksmysocks (: - 10.7.05

Saturday, July 09, 2005

two things

MY TOE IS GROSS.

and

i reallyyy cant stand self pity. GRRRRR.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.7.05

i just found the perfect guy to marry.

but then its not like i will marry him anyway. so yea. haha and its not like those squealing school girls who go nuts over bradpitt or davidbeckham or the likes. this one is a real person who exists in my world. but then.. that's ok! cos i probably wont marry him. HAHA.

praise God, i got into sheares hostel at nus! means i'll be far from home most of the time. rahhh. and i'll miss all these siglap days. but then, i always have evelyn with me! she got posted to sheares too. sabchan also. xiu got into eusoff. quite interesting. cos i'll be walking around nus in the wee hours. oh no i dont really want to be doing that. i want to be a good girl with discipline and go to sleep at 10pm. HAHA.

so many things to do, so little time. and i thought i had the time. ahhh well.
cellpages
performing arts pages
faith camp article
and chase all the other people for their articles and cellpages and ministrypages.

yay. i'm gonna visit my grandfather tomorrow again! (:

Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.7.05

today's my special day. (:

i went to visit my special someone today. and he smiled at me. and i looked into his eyes and i was feeling ultimate joy. but knowing time may not be on his side, i do worry quite a bit. then again, i know my grandfather is always in God's loving hands. and no matter what, i know he loves our Father in Heaven too. that makes me beam through my fears.

then i finally met up with NIM, BEV and DORA. like, after a gazillion years or so. i was SO happy when i saw them. and obviously i found them SHOPPING. haha like what is new right. so anyway we were just looking around mango, eating lunch, talking and waiting for dora to arrive. that isnt new either. our darling dora turned up TWO HOURS late. two hours! i should have told her 12pm, then she would have arrived on time. rahhhhh. and we finally went back to cjc to get our a level certs. didnt really care about the building and its changes. like so what. haha i'm out of there already anyway. i went to visit mr tan js! hahaha he's still the same. quite nice to talk to. and i saw so many j2s i recognised. hahah nim bev and dora were saying that i seem to know the whole world. errr.. that's not true. cos i am not rachel lum! hahaha that one is the ultimate. heh. i saw dengzheng too! all sweaty and gross. haha probably from his soccer training. his whole shirt was drenched! eww. and they call that shirt DRY fit. yea righttt.

after a while, we left cjc and went back to town and that was when the madness began!
the NIM AND ESTHER MADNESS.
haha we went shopping like super crazy shopaholics. first at far east, i bought ting's top and other presents. then we went to wisma and nim bought a top from esprit. then we went to mango (AGAIN) and there i spent $65 in total. wahhhh. i never ever go shopping like that. and even if i do buy stuff i think alot first or my mum pays. which isnt that often anyway.. so i bought a pair of pants and a cardigan! supersupersuper nice. hahah nim was the instigator! but then i thank her for her great persuasion skills. cos even my sister and mum are raving about them. obviously my sister raves about how nice the clothes are, and my mum raves about what a good bargain i got. hahahha i would have spent $136, if not for the fabulous sale. yay mango rocks! after that i was hungry so we went to taka and when we were coming down the escalator, we saw a food fest and we just instantaneously turned out heads to each other and squealed! wahh the food all smelt awesome. but from the entire food fest, we only bought one thing. haha oh well. and we didnt manage to eat the chewyfudgybrownie. i even told the lady we'll be back. but we didnt go back. oh well. at least i didnt specify when we'll be back so we can always go back next year! hahahahah (:

i had funnnn. with my beloveds. bev, dora and nim! we just click even though we havent seen each other in ages. i love all of you!
and especially to NIMRTA KAUR SANDHU.
THANK YOU!.
cos you just totally rock at being my buddy! i love shopping with you cos you're just as fast as me and we shop at the same pace. its great cos neither of us will get bored in any shop! and you're just as impulsive as me! (like the daniel yam shop. and the RINGS. haha) you and i can diss each other yet love each other all the same. our skins are probably just as thick. and i know i always have a friend in you! so dont say i dont give you due credit. here, big and obvious for the world to see. -in your face, girl!

Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.7.05

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

again.

thank you flea, wieky and aaron. i only found out about your birthday wishes today though you wished me long ago. and wieky is so funny. i really didnt expect a birthday message from him. from aaron too! and i miss flea. rahhhh.

and thanks aunty jessica (in sydney), liz, dora, rachel pink and wen too!

oh no. i really feel so loved. (((:

i love birthdays. though i dont really like to publicise my birthday and boast about it alot. but then in the heat of the moment i cant help it. its just that before the day, i dont really like to tell the whole world my birthday is approaching. i told hy that if people remember then let it be so. if they dont, then it shows that i cant be THAT important in their lives or something like that. if not then they dont know when my birthday is. or they have terrible memory. then for those who bother to remember, i know at least i am important enough to be remembered and these are the ones i'll cherish too! why waste energy and emotions on getting upset because some people dont remember. haha it doesnt really get to me. life is too short. spend it well. and start by spending it on worthwhile things. like, people who care about you! (:

there is enough love to go around.
just that some people hold it back.
and some people throw it away.

anyway!
i spent the last two days painting darren and lijia's house! on monday, i cycled all the way from home to darren's house. which is actually plain madness. cos of the distance and sheer heat. but it was kinda fun! there was just darren, ernest, rachel, ting, bryan and myself in the morning. we were so scared to paint the ceilings! then brandon and keith came and good ol brandon provided music. but he played oasis. like, what on earth. haha so we took over his ipod and changed to coldplay. i'm not the biggest fan of coldplay, but ting loves them. and its still better than oasis. and darren rocks as a host cos he bought food and drinks for us. we seriously looked like those construction workers/hdb flat painters cos we ate from styrofoam packets on the floor. HAHA.
then at nighttttttt, my daddy brought our family to this really nice restaurant for dinner. to celebrate my birthday (again). haha every birthday we always have a dinner to celebrate. not my extended family.. just the five of us. we went to this thai restaurant called paddy field at anchorpoint - opposite ikea. and the food just simply rocks. i ordered tomyam soup and it was simply delicious. mum dad and jie couldnt take the spicy-ness. whoops. haha. the manager was serving us personally cos he knows daddy and recommended all the good food. then he found out it was my birthday and decided not to charge us for the dessert buffet. haha the manager rocks! cos i loved the desserts. hahahaha (:

then today was spent painting again! and it was excellent. just that darren almost broke my heart by telling me that he was gonna repaint two yellow walls and make them white. i painted those yellow walls! but then its his new house and he's the boss. so we obediently took his orders and repainted them. it was only darren, rachel, dz and i. dz finally turned up, hobbling on one foot. and most of the time he just laid on the dirty plastic sheet on the floor and commented on our walls. ERR.. like SUPER helpful if you ask me. SUPER. evelyn turned up after a while. not really surprising us anyway. haha and well, kept wanting to fall off the chairs she stood on. like what else is new right. haha super funny. we did the hdb painters lunch thing again. this time with rachel taking nonsense photos. and nice darren buying all vege for evelyn and i cos we are fasting! darren rocks too. (:

THEN.
it was the interesting part of the day! we had this surprise thing for rachel and she surely surely didnt expect it at all! we practically shocked her to tears. and i had my first macdonalds kiddy party in 12 years! yes. complete with hats and games and kiddy music. oh man it was so fun! we really had all the fun in the world and who cares if the glass is transparent and we could be seen in full view. who cares if we were all 18 and above and we were screaming and shouting like little children. we still had fun cos rachel deserved it! haha (:
we had this speech thingie for rachel where jo joy loo and i sang this rachel song that they came up with. then everyone went once.. and when it came to her dady, uncle ronald's, turn, rachel got rather emotional. it was such a sweet picture to behold. makes us all go soft within.
thereafter, we proceeded to rachel's house for part two. haha we watched hotel rwanda and its so heartwrenching. and i must say that rachel is an excellent host. excellent excellent excellent. kept feeding us. haha and it sure did help that i was hungry and felt like a pig. then uncle ronald provided more fans for us. haha oh man rachel and her family rocks. then excellent rach who rocks drove us home. so i didnt have to be worried about how to get back home! (:

all these mishmash of birthdays! and ting's is coming up. then my ABC's! and gen, sandie/pang and brandon. then LOO! my parent's anniversary. and then darren and lijia's wedding! july is so exciting. and its the last part of my 8month holiday before i start school. ROAR. i dont wanna go to school.

but i just found out other cj people going to nus FASS too. so its nim, clara, gen, celeste, xiaohui, cindy and cant remember who else. there are more from cj, just eluded me right now. ah well.

i have 10 more days!
haha someone knows why..
my secret smile (:

Godrocksmysocks (: - 6.7.05

Sunday, July 03, 2005

blessed.

there is SO much to say! and so many smiles to show. (((((((((:

i am such a happy girl! and i have so many thanks to say. but first and foremost, THANK YOU MY FATHER IN HEAVEN! cos He blessed me so much and makes me smile from ear to ear.

thank you to all who messaged/called.
(in order of time)
mark, chuili, ABC, andrewlaw (in mongolia), darylhuang, jacthe, maricar, theo, bev, claudia, danielloon, deb, josephpang, ahmine, rubez, ivee, serena, jerome, tavia, neo, justin (in aust), joshuatan, iancheng my all-in-one friend, xiaojiu, abi, melvin, charng, niven, nim.

and all the others who wished me personally in church. (:

the way i celebrated my birthday was nice. haha my birthday was on saturday. then on friday we had that prayer conference thing at expo. and after that, like 19 people came to my house! haha the day before i was discussing with brandon and dz and we only counted 10 people.. but then i was so happy. haha (:
evelyn, joy, rach, loo, stef, brandon, dz, elaine, mark, david, chin, es, duane, andre, keith, kenneth, daryl, yongen, yongliang. and plus my brother of course.
and my mum rocks. she was the one who suggested invited my friends. at first joy was gonna stay over. then my mum asked if i wanted to invite more friends. cos i did tell her before that i wanted a birthday party. but there was no time. in the end, i had an imprompto party! which was organised on thursday only. but all of you rock lah. haha last minute tell you and you all still avail yourselves. thanks. (: and my mum made shepherd's pie. two big ones somemore. i think everyone was happy. haha hopefully.

then most went home at around 2am.. then joy, brandon, dz, my brother and i went out to 7-11 to buy food and came back to my house to play hotels. in the end they fell asleep and only went home at 7am. joy woke up at 7am and continued to watch dvds! haha she's super hardcore. in the end she slept for 4 more hours after that. haha

and did i tell you I LOVE SHALOM!
haha yes i do i do i do! thank you all SO much. thank you for the bag and the silver crystal word. thank you for the cake. and thank you for the surprise when you all crashed the core leaders meeting!

haha though i was pretty sad i couldnt be with you all because of the meeting. i felt so bad cos so many people waited for the meeting to end to celebrate (with WATER). but in the end they had to leave cos it was too late. oh man. i'm sorry. i was sad too.

thanks my sister and enwei who bought me an esprit wallet! haha cos obviously i needed one quite badly. its pink and pretty and i am so scared i'll dirty it. and i thank you jie for the nike water bottle too! i really wanted one recently. honestly. (:

thanks jon for planning those stuff with amos. though it didnt follow through in the end. but its really all good. cos i know you're really thoughtful to pack my clothes and stuff. you rock as my brother.

thanks joy for the cup and the scrapbook thing. i love the book! cos its orange and has our faces all over it! and the cup's so cute. haha i just remembered that i gave you sock stuff last year and you give me udders stuff this year! haha like our trademarks.
and then udders = cow = beef = beef noodles! hahahaah

thanks evelyn for the card! it was really sweet. and it hits me that we've really spent so much of our lives together! haha 19years. (: thanks to brandon dz and elaine too. for the pink striped book, the ripcurl purse and PAUL FRANK slippers.

thanks jingmin, jo, joy, rachel, cynthia, esmond, allister for the NIKE SOCCER BALL! yes i got a soccer ball! oh man oh man. i am overjoyed! i am so super happy! thank you thank you!! cos i really wanted an adidas soccer ball since last year.. then i saw the one they bought during eweek and i was like, going crazy. haha so in the end joy took that as a suggestion and they got it for me! they signed on it even. hahha thanks thanks. (: its really wonderful.

thanks faithfulnest! for the dragonfly and the cards. though they bought it for me because they say i look like the dragonfly. like.. what?! haha susanna was so cute, she bought me a card that said happy FIRST birthday. ahem. and all rubez said in her card was, you are so old. ahh the audacity. hahah super sweet, all of them. desiree, eunice, olivia, susanna and rubez. (:

thanks david and mark for the book. haha i was beaming from ear to ear when i saw the book. cos it was titled ESTHER. wahhaha. as in, it was a book on the bible character, esther - a woman of strength and dignity. i wanna be like her! totally (: and thanks mark for the card too!

thanks keith, kenneth, daryl and yongen for the toy walkie talkies. ahhaha super funny. keith is like preparing for army already. HAHA.

thanks ABC for the kinder bueno! you knew that i love kinder bueno right!! haha thanks SO much. and for the double hug too. (:

thanks serena for the heart sticks. super nice. the glitter flew all over and make everything shiny and pretty. (:

thanks amos for being NICE. hahahha

i am truly happy. today (sunday) i had family dinner at my uncle's house and my relatives are so fun and accomodating. haha they sang birthday songs 9 times in total. cos there were three birthday girls and we had 3 versions. one english, one chinese, and one is a personal family version. super funny. but that's why i love my family so much. they make me feel so loved and blessed. then zhong came over too! from across the swimming pool. hahah (:

i have too much to say. ahh.

aloysius just told me that christiano ronaldo is gay?! really ah.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 3.7.05