Wednesday, September 29, 2004
lorr, you are loved
a poem i wrote in remembrance of lorraine ong siu lynn.
(26nov1984-27sept2004)
precious jems and jewels bestow
glitters of eye-shut gnawing pain
vanilla cream and ice in a cup
gave to you your hopes you built
shimmer in a comatose
drift together through the rain
shelter the love and rest in peace
songs you wrote sing in my brain
drop a rose, red as blood
pull the dam, invite the flood
squander emotions, possess the space
now look upon the empty place
faces upon the stark white papers
doodles and shades to pass the clock
smiles that spread to protect within
what was outside to garner shock
slippers you cut and stapled yourself
the glee that resided upon your soul
but when you jumped, four floors they say
through the dark black tunnelling hole
tears that fall can make no return
still, registering takes a while
struggle with my heart tearing apart
fumbling with the numbers to dial
i will always remember your star-sweet voice
you sing and it would light up your eyes
wishing i had done much more
before, alone to fight, she dies.
-
they spelt her name wrongly in the straits times.
someone departs from the world and they cant even honour her properly.
grrr.
-
went up to malaysia today for the final farewell
it was worse than i thought.
before the funeral mass was a prayer in a small room
i couldnt take it, just looking at my friend in that wooden box.
the closest friend i had last year in 2T06
the friend whom i sat next to in class
the friend whom nat and i always talked and joked with
the friend whom i always went home with on 154
the friend whom my mum would fetch home but feel so bad about it
the friend whom i was inspired by to write
the friend who opened up my eyes to her secret other world
the friend whose voice was truly grammys-billboardcharts-top40-worthy
and the very friend whom i will miss for eternity and never forget, her voice still resounding in my heart.
its still hard to register.
and i still cannot, seriously.
i want to but i cant.
i still think that lorr will contact me later
i still think that lorr will update her blog and tag my board
i still think that lorr will message me out of the blue and ask how am i?
i still think that lorr will be giggling over the phone on the other side.
and i still think that tonight when i sleep then wake up tomorrow, this cruel dream will fade into nothingness and i will say, oh what a nightmare. then i will call lorr up and tell her about it. and she will laugh, call me silly girl - like she always does - and i will tell her my As end on 24nov so i am free to meet her then. and know what, this was the exact same thing i said last night too before i went to bed.
i still think that in due time to come, i will be preparing her birthday present which i will give her on 26nov. she was not even twenty when she passed on by.
there are too many if-onlys. if only this if only that.
too many regrets, no time at all.
-
Lord i need the peace of God which transcends all understanding to guard my heart.
i need solace.
and i need to stop crying. my eyes are getting from bad to worse.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 29.9.04
Friday, September 24, 2004
wow i can finally blog!
so i guess the problem lies with my computer. bahh
im at nims house now!
im always at nims house when i blog.
or more like im always blogging when im at nims house.
today marks the change!
ahhhh i think its weird.
but oh well.
prelims are over too!
today was the last paper.
its been ok so far..
i hope i just get what i deserve, or more?
its ok i still have A levels i guess.
its been a good time since i last blogged.
stuff came up. and stuff got sorted out.
i thank the Lord for friends.
beeeeeg grinn.
ok im gonna watch friends on nims computer now.
later, alligator!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 24.9.04
