can i just have one more moondance wih you. `my love.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

i want to stop complaining
i want to stop being whiney
i want to stop being blue.

i want to smile even more
i want to laugh
i want the sun to shine everyday and everytime
i want to be happyhappyhappy!

im changing my attitude.
i want to be happier and happier!

i want to love.
i want to love unconditionally.
i want to share with everyone.
i want to give and give and give, not hurting.

im feeling this strange adrenaline rush all of a sudden. its weird. but i like it.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 22.8.04

Saturday, August 21, 2004

im officially in love

haha yupp! im officially in love, with soccer! yea. its super duper funnn!

bev and i played soccer with a few others on tuesday. actually ever since that day at sentosa when we first played with the other guys, bev and i always wanted to play again. but never got the chance to.. there were a few times when we could, but then situations were not so favourable. so anyway, on monday during nightstudy justin and niven decided to play soccer after school the next day and then invited bev dora and i to play as well. yayyyers! haha so yea.

at first it was just the few of us - bev dora niven ian justin daryl vyasa max joseph and i. but dora and joseph left for lessons and max flew away. haha so yea just the few of us left. played a while, then people started appearing. other people. and well, bev and i ended up really extra. those others kinda didnt pass the ball to us at all. sometimes lah, but nothing much. probably because we are girls? and besides they dont know that bev and i played then because we have wanted to play for a long time etc. and then obviously propelled by the immense need to win and play a good game (like how most guys are when playing soccer), maybe passing to girls would have impeded this possibility. oh well. haiiiii. anyway i tripped twice over kesu and rahuls feet. ughhh. i hate falling. abrasion on my knee. at first it was just a graze. then now it has become really gross and disgusting. its a full-fledge abrasion with pus and stuff. reallyreally gross. and quite painful. im so sad i may get a scar on my knee now. bahh.

well, after that we stopped playing.. bev and i walked back to class and we came to consensus that we didnt feel satisfied from playing just now. it was kinda disappointing. we packed our bags, went to the canteen, then the few of us decided to play again. went to the odac area there and had such a gooooooodddd time! hahah that was when the real fun began. just seven of us - bev daryl ian joseph niven justin and myself. but after a while ian had to leave, so left with six of us. ultra funn! i was able to score a few goals! amazing. even i was amazed by my soccer performance. haha but my reflexes are quite slow, i couldnt kick the ball and ended up kicking other peoples ankles. haha sorry. this time the guys were really nice. because they know that bev and i want to play, so they were gentlemanly about it and gave us fair chance to play. but i suppose bev and i didnt really need those chances. we proved patriarchy wrong! hahahahaha girls can play soccer too!

all in all we played for about 3hours. but well, i ended up with five blisters, an abrasion, and aching muscles. how lousy lah. but it was all worthwhile. definitely. i think we are playing again on this coming tuesday. double yayyy! haha oh our class is playing on monday too! ahhhh i cant wait!! yay. haha see, told you im officially in love. heh. my new found interest. yepperspeppers. oh yea duane didnt believe i play soccer. haha he kept saying that he wants us to go play soccer again so he could see me play and then believe. anyway he offered to invite me to play with his cg next time! but i wonder if they will let me play. im afraid they might look down on me as a girl. oh well. leave it to God lah.

-
ive been really quite tired these few days. staying for nightstudy, coming home late, waking up early etc. not a good routine. but no choice. i dont want to flunk my prelims, do i.. hmm had maths mock this morning then lit lecture. maths mock was not fun at all. boohoo. lit lecture was interesting, as usual. after that went for lunch with bev nim justin ian joseph niven jonathan vyasa tim. max came a little later on. went scotts and whiled time away making fun of each other. haha well it was enjoyable. walked around a bit then left for church.

ive been having terrible pains in my back, my chest and my stomach area. last night during nightstudy, and today after lunch. yesterday it just suddenly came and then i vomited my dinner out. ultimately gross man. today it continued all the way, even in church. the journey to church was excruciating. anyway, after the worship i couldnt take it anymore, called mum, said i may want to go home.. i wanted to stay for the sermon, but it was far too painful. so in the end i left for home. and back home, i napped for about 2hours. good sleep man. replenishing and revitalising. haha in the end we had dinner really late, at about 9pm. crazy family. haahaha i love my crazy family!! -beeeeg grinn.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 21.8.04

Sunday, August 15, 2004

just stuff

so many things have been happening
stuff hasnt been going very well. yet stuff has been going exceedingly well
but its because stuff hasnt been going well that stuff goes exceedingly well.
ermm ok im confused too.

i thank the Lord for the angels in my life who have been so gracious to me!
you know i really appreciate you loads.

-
hmm going off to church later for a meeting. im quite excited! haha oh just had an econs mock exam yesterday. wahhhh crap waste of time man. i wish i studied. dont we all wish that. but still, yea i wish i revised a little more. i looked through my econs notes and realised that i cant remember much anymore. that is very bad. theres maths mock exam coming up soon too. that i would have to study really hard lest i do badly again. haiiiiii such is life now man. wait, what life?

after econs mock yesterday we had mhk lit lecture. i really enjoy mhk lectures. mrs tan makes them interesting and makes us think loads too. and besides, the ideas and thoughts that we formulate from the book and ponder over are more real and present to us. maybe because the text is very new. as compared to shakespeare. although the book can be really confusing. but when we actually do take it up and discuss, its quite satisfying. it just washes over you; you feel so smart. hahaha

went to town with a few others after that. bev nim ian niven joseph vyasa max daryl justin. actually, i havent been out for a loooooooong time. because im a school-bound kid. with nightstudy on now, im even more school-bound. hahaha ughh. haha niven always says i have no life. maybe, maybe. but who cares man. im actually enjoying it. quote me as weird, but then again, who isnt? and besides, its better to be weird and know it than being not weird and have ones doubts. aight? anyway. we went to lido to eat lunch. but i just had to get all down about something and i think it kinda affected others too. sorry. but it was really quite overwhelming. haiiii. it sucks man.
sorry bev, thanks for dealing with it, with me. i really appreciate your presence! dont know what i would have done if not for you being there. -beeeeeg grinnn
thanks nim for listening despite the short time. i still appreciate it alllllllllllllllllllll! -muahh!
hmm daryl, it kinda scares me to see you like that. please hang on and hang tough.
ermm joy came after that. then we went off to church for service. service was goooood. yupp!

thanks ian for your concern, and your big ears. haha
thanks niven for simply being - being there, being lame, being nonsense, being funny.

you all rock my socks!

bye for now. im hungry.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 15.8.04

Monday, August 09, 2004

recollections

racial harmony day celebrations
it was super funnnnn!
but like almost all the chinese girls in cj wore saris.
haha nonetheless, its exciting to see other people just as enthusiastic as you are.
the sari i borrowed was absolutely pretty.
nim helped me tie it, she rocks man! hahaha
nim wore a cheongsam that made her look hothothot!
dora wore a sari too. she seriously looked good because shes so slim.
bev wore an ugata (is that how its spelt?) some jap thingie. she looked really nice too!
aahhh they all looked stunning.
anyway.
went to st igs for the investiture of the 30th student council after school at about 7pm.
it was a good experience.
and i like the song the summons!
hmm nothing much.
oh i saved joseph from getting knocked down by a car!
ok not really. close to.

school
been hectic, what else is new right.
had my PTM last week.
and mr fahy was saying that i can and should be getting better results.
i hope i see it as inspiration to push myself and be determined and not as pressure then i break.
oh well. i dont want to burn out!

had quite a serious talk with justin the other day.
it was.. i dont know. uplifting and encouraging i guess?
it made me really face up to my worse fears in my own life
and tell them in their faces that i have a big God and no problems are too great that my God couldnt solve!

ermm oh yea i got third for the creative writing competition (prose)
so many issues behind it. but who am i to write it here and ~~expose~~ tell others about it, right?
after all i am the receiver of the action and i have to accept what i am given.
and it concerns other people..
so yea. so be it.
aslongasiknowinmyheartigottsrif

elijah challenge
its been a long time since i cried so ultimately hard till now.
i remember the last time i ever cried so hard was when joy and i both thought she was leaving cj after first three months
but yea.
tears of sorrow, of pain, of distraught, or disappointment
but tears of relief and reassurance.
it was a healing session held in church and i attended in hope of my knee getting healed.
but i guess i went for the healing session with far too much expectations
i went there seriously expecting to be healed almost instantly, that i would have absolutely no more pain. and the knee would be restored.
but no.
none of that happened.
disappointed as i was, i couldnt help but just cry.
all the adrenaline rush, all the excitment, all the anticipation bottled up just rushed out and down as tears in its extremities of disappointment and pain.
no, God has His plans.
arent i the one who always tells others Jeremiah 29:11?
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.
yea. i believe God will make a way.
but i thank the Lord for friends around who truly truly care. all of you who comforted me that night, i thank God for you. thanks for being the angels in my life.
and plus duane who lent me the book, where is God when it hurts.
im still reading it, its quite thick you know.
haha but yea i hope to gain some truths from there that can help me.
i dont blame God for my knee not healing.
i dont blame the people around me.
i just know in my heart that God has His own agenda.
and ultimately, who know. maybe when i get healed of the pain in my knee many many many other people around me can be blessed through this personal testimony.
yea? yea!
God knows best.

national day celebrations
we walked. haha like, yea. we walked.
morning began slow. ultraman slow
haha we had some parade thing then went back to class to change into our care charity walk shirts.
my class went into the take photo frenzy! we took super duper many photos!
but it was good fun.
after that we assembled on the field and walked out of school
nim bev dora and i enjoyed ourselves.
i know some others who were getting all prissy and whatever about it
i heard someone say, ughh lets get it over and done with faster.
so sad lah. since we are called to do something, its expected of us, so why do it so begrudgingly?
after all whether or not we like it, we still have to do it.
so must as well do it happily, right?
bahh.
we then had performances by various people.
the gymmers were super!
so unexpected to have then present something.
and i was so amazed!! like ive always loved gymnastics.
love to be able to do it. and love watching it.
im so glad they won top three.
im even happier that 2T33 won first!
hahah their performance was so deserving of first.
oh yea nim and i kept singing all the national day songs! truly in our own worlds man.
hmm when we went back to class after that, the photo taking frenzy continued.
like, serious frenzy! hahaha it was hilarious.
we made the guys of the class act so gay, we could just die a thousand deaths over and not stop laughing.
shungwai was very funny. he seriously detests taking photos.
and when we forced him to, he went ballistic.
but in the end he still succumbed.
hahah well maybe because we girls are just too ba dao already.
tim and dom looked good as girls. haha sorry guys.
stayed back to do maths after that. nothing much again.
hmm stuff happened when i was going home, that made esther tan a little happy.
but oh well. cheap thrills.

-
now joy is over at my house.
we just baked brownies and a cake!
haha later going over to her house to watch vcds and then go chompchomps!
expect we call it pongpong lah. hahah inside joke
hmm cant wait for singapore idol!
tralala. maybe today will be the day when our parents finally meet and see each other face to face and get to know each other.
haha my mum was amused. she said it sounded like matchmaking.

Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.8.04