Friday, August 29, 2003
cant say such
nothing much
cant say much
only such
innocent glances
i wonder what they mean
quite blatantly displayed
yet tried not to be seen
the line that curled
the face that lit
even the joy in the eyes
could not be hid
but what does it mean
what does it say
to have you so close
but so far anyway
then again -
i can always will myself
to believe
what i want to believe
so i guess its useless
to think too deep
just the surface memories
i should bother to keep.
why you again?
i thought it was over.
but perhaps not.
am i wrong to say it is?
take me away from here
back to where i love
Godrocksmysocks (: - 29.8.03
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
why is it i feel quite ruffled
by the fact that you left me out
you left my name out
totally.
absolutely
and far too extreme.
not that i want the glory
but still
i think i deserve it
i wrote it, hello?
and i did have a part in the directions
all my hard work.
you can even say i did
it so badly
that you could get
it
but no.
you left my name out again.
deliberate. or unintentional..
how would i know.
it that how you see it to be?
unnecessary
insignificant..
fine, so im no one to judge.
but are you?
i thought i ought to have at least a mention
but i was wrong, wasnt i.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 26.8.03
Sunday, August 24, 2003
falling down
hurting myself
ughhhh!!
i am so angry with myself.
hurt my big toe really quite badly.
i was walking towards my fathers car last night
the ground was rather wet
and so, considering the fact
that my slippers have no friction, nor grip..
i slipped!
and hurt the beneath of my big toe.
ugggggghhhhh!!
the whole skin got rubbed off.
it was flapping open
and bleeding too.
hurt like crapballs.
haii.
got into my dads car
and all i could do was whine.
it hurt so much, ok!
got home and cleaned it.
cut off the skin..
and tried cleaning the dirt
i took so long to clean my feet,
but it was still dirty!
only then did i realise that
the dirt was inside, underneath my skin!
like whatever..
it was stuck far inside
and i couldnt get it out.
it hurt oh-so-much
i finally got it out after
half an hour.
fabulous.
but it only came out after i prayed and prayed and prayed.
so prayer does work.
wrapped it up
and i cant even walk properly now
cant rest my toe upon the floor
which means..
i cant do pe tomorrow.
angry angry angry.
angry with myself!
rid me of my proneness
for accidents
Godrocksmysocks (: - 24.8.03
its over.
all over and done
life is such
not feeling much
nothing more than the bare minimun
of just the feeling when things are over.
but thats ok.
there will be more to come.
yupp. drama production.
its over.
just last night.
twenty four hours ago.
it was fulfilling, nonetheless.
reached school at 10am.
saw the badminton interclass competitions.
tav and kai are so so so good!
hahaha stnicks shorts all the wayyy!
borrowed rackets to play with sandie in the annex.
broc, daryl, omar and max too.
quite fun
it totally reminded me of last year in stnicks!
when we played badminton all the time during recess.
finally began rehearsing at 11am.
then went to town to have lunch at 1pm.
eyecandies
took bus back to school.
and neither one of us pressed the bell!
so we had to get off at the next stop..
and walked all the way back.
we climbed over the railing
and i got scratched on my arm by the torns of the bougainvillea plant.
how dumb! ugghh.
finally got back to LT 2.
and had the lasts of our rehearsals.
we had to bathe in the dark
cus the power in the toilet was down
stupid ahu! hahahahahahhha..
had pizza dinner.
and finally, house opened.
went quite alright.
except for my blunder in the introduction
which i tried very hard to cover up.
oh well.
to err is human. right?
dont say the word bimbo
it all went by so so fast!
blehh.
and im sorry for acting bimbotic?
but then again,
it was
pure acting.
why is it called drama if not for acting??
no parallels with my life intended ok!
natasha, ok??!!!
hmph.
oh well.
at the end of the day,
i still think the court room script was so much better
and everyone else in drama agrees.
uggghhh!
forget it.
i think we will just have to do that one next year.
wasted our annual production
on something majority of people didnt understand
never mind never mind.
there is still next year.
i believe!
went for pseudo supper after that.
pseudo, cus it really was not considered supper.
it was ok i guess.
oh oh!
i bought a new bag.
nice nice!!
sandie is gonna buy the same bag in another colour
i think.
yayy!
then we have same bags.
hhhaa its very nice and quite cheap too!
15 dollars.
blew my money like nuts yesterday.
whiney whiney.
haiiii.
ok thats about the end.
im thinking of going on a mission trip too!
in december or so.
either indonesia or china.
not sure which one.
i was thinking about china,
cus indo has language barrier.
but im scared of the china government.
dont wanna go to jail.
err will they catch us in indo too?
hmmm.
decisions.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 24.8.03
Monday, August 18, 2003
i love You more than life
if i had wings and i could fly
IM FREE!
whee.
never felt so so good in my life before
the hillsongs concert was such a blast
the bestest ive yet attended.
if only i went on saturday night too
throngs and throngs of people
dancing and singing
jumping and clapping
You have turned my mourning into dancing
You have turned my sorrow into joy
amen.
saw mark wee there too.
is it wee or ooi or something something.
never mind.
his hair was nice.
err. anyway hope he enjoys himself in US.
lucky boy.
only five more weeks to promos
only five more days to
Empty Haven
im gonna stay in school for night study
i dont care if it kills me
i will get down to doing it
this time for real
stop procastinating, esta!
zhikai:
ha!
i know who you are
or rather, who you are not.
i know who you really really are!
but,
ive got nothing to say.
so there.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 18.8.03
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
its only wednesday
and i can say, what a week it has been
dear Lord Jesus, im really quite confused
about this thing called
death
something i just dont understand
some things i cant understand
Lord i pray for the chen family
keep them safe in Your loving arms
the warm embrace of Yours
may they find answers of questions they seek to find
and be comforted for those unanswered
let them find the peace thats ever-present in You
always and forever
in Jesus name i pray, amen
rest in peace chloe. rest in peace.
-
you dont have to feel bad
cus its really not your fault
i dont know who to blame.
i really dont want to blame anyone
but please dont say sorry
dont apologise
you know,
i really really do miss you
that, i cant deny
i never faced much difficulty in expressing myself
but somehow, right now,
i find it hard to put it in words.
you were always there
singing, laughing, joking with me.
you were there to help me with my homework at times
you were there to listen to my gibberish
you were there when i didnt feel well
you were there when i felt awful about myself
you were there when my friend passed away
you were there when i was angry
and you were there most of the time when i was happy
cus you were there to make me laugh.
and you are my inspiration for those poem i wrote
have i ever told you how much you mean to me?
have i ever told you how much i love being around you?
and
have i ever told you how much i miss you now..
i hope whatever i say now will not make you feel bad
please dont
i just want to tell you how much
you have meant to me
that in this short period of seven months,
my life has being changed.
i never appreciated songs as much as before
im just really sorry
for not being able to be there for you right now
that i cant talk to you as and when we can
that when i turn my head around,
all i can see are your things
and not you.
please promise me you will take care
please stop hurting yourself
please dont be too sad or down
seriously, i really dont want you to hurt yourself anymore
please take care of yourself
cus we are not there to take care of you too.
and please take care
because we do care.
go back to God.
He loves you.
take care, girl
i miss you, lorraine.
big time, no doubt.
-
In Gods love and mine,
esta.
+you came into our lives
turned it around
and now we cant miss you more+
oneteesix misses you loads, lorr.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 13.8.03
Monday, August 11, 2003
voyerism.
strange thing, dont you think
but yea thats normal i guess
since the whole world is rigged up by links online.
so there.
hello short fart!
oh it should be
victor.
hmm err nice to see you here?
hahahahah
you looked so traumatised when you were running today..
vyasa - i sure hope that wasnt your natural moment.
the film is taking forever to reach its end
so i cant develop the photos yet
cant show you your
natural unnatural self..
randy - youre welcome!!
-
talked to my mum last night
for quite a long time..
it felt good, really.
spoke some sense into me
and shes rather good at comforting.
after all, she is my mother.
confided in her
and ended up crying.
but oh well.
as i said, it felt good after that.
when God closes a door
He will always open another.
and there are people with worser fates than me.
RyL - yupp see i did talk to someone in the end!
though still a little sad
but im much better
and the greener pastures are glowing like emeralds
at least now i can do much more
what you said is true:
people more than often stereotype teen probs as BGR
but this time it sure is far from it.
and all i can say.
thanks to everyone.
all of you.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 11.8.03
Saturday, August 09, 2003
RyL:
losing an emotional baggage?
easier said than done
besides,
its part of me.
so i cant lose it
or else itll be the same as
losing myself.
randy:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RANDY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!
ok, back down here.
yesterday, 8 aug
think i had a fun time
had some funny flag raising ceremony in the morning
we all agreed that dom looked so smart in his uniform!
ermm..
then the more exciting part:
line dancing!!
damn funny
must say that mrs tan is so fabbbbbb!!
she rockss at dancing line dance. so natural.
we watched the dance competitions..
and were so so so sad our class didnt join. boooo..
we all sat on the grandstands
and stupid yew teng made me sit in the sun.
he and amanda were damn funny.
dancing to the national song..
oh yew tengs digicam is damn nice!
and we agreed that unity is good..
hhahhhahahha
as we were walking back to class
i helped nat!!
but it turned out that it wasnt much of help actually..
oops. sorry girl.
hahah but still!
its much better than that
where is the head one k..
went up to class and took silly photos
farhana used my cam to take a photo
of martin, niven, vyasa and joseph
and at the count of three,
they all stuck their middle fingers up.
hahah what if my parents see that photo..
my brother came to cj bus stop to meet me
then i brought him to town.
babysitting..
went to town with nat, sandie, nim, dora, mira, bev
plus khin mi and levisha.
took neo prints. silly neo prints that is.
met loads of people
kang!! hey you cheer up ok. dont be so sad le.
had a great
sharing session today
sharing information and comparing notes
it was damn alot of fun
found people with the exact same sentiments as i.
cool.
watch
how to deal
its so cliche.
the plot sucked
mandy moore looked like a guy
but the guy was so cute!!
if you wanna watch,
dont expect a good plot.
nat and i then sat in starbucks for about two hours
finally got to put a face to ada too.
today, 9 aug
went to the airport this morning
in the wee wee hours
andrew was leaving.
for texas!!
cant believe it.
lucky him..
grrr.
but it was sad, seeing him leave.
andrew:
(when you get to read this)
hey you lucky ol chap!
and we all miss you already.
hope texas will be fun
you were a joy to have around in teesix
bet fahy misses you the most.
or tim
hahahahahahah
you take care ya
God bless!!
a few of us stayed back at the airport
to study!
wheee..
fun experience.
though that iris made us walk all over changi airport
in search of a nice place to study
damn picky
cant say she studied much as a result man
i fear studying with her now..
we went swensons too!
and shared earthquake.
and iris (again) totally messed up the dry ice container
yuckkkkkkkkkss.
went to church after that for worship prac
utter sleepiness
watching ndp now
president nathan just entered only
but the uniform groups are so neat!
oooohh!
the stadium just went totally dark
and everyone switched on their torchlights
and now the sars tribute is so sad.
haiiii.
shoooot.
theres no dinner tonight
i dont want to eat all that oily stuff
but there are no fruits left at home!
grrr.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.8.03
Thursday, August 07, 2003
yea and you all say im so silly
so silly for being so caught up
paradise. my fantasies
and at the end of the day
im still that silly
no use, right?
but what do you know.
you all dont know.
cus you all dont understand
wrench out the plug
from the life-supporting machine
maybe i should stop lying
i should stop that facade
i should stop looking alright
when im actually tearing up inside
being eaten alive.
being eaten alive from within.
no i am not alright
i cant let go of the fact that im incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
incompetent
how many more times do i have to repeat that
to get it into my head
that i am
incompetent
so forget it and forget me
im nobody
nobody important
im an incompetent nobody
-
thank you
broc
jac
sandie
phyllicia
and even K.
thanks.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 7.8.03
did i look like i was sad today?
no i probably didnt
laughing and joking.
and all the whatsnots.
but i was.
-
breaking
tearing
shredding
gone.
downright wretched
from the deep abyss of pain
rising straight up to my throat
and pour out my emotions
as salty trickles.
who ever said life was fair
put so much effort in
and this is how youre repaid
perfect for an ending
the end of my beginning
and we proceed on to
the beginning of my end
manupilation.
mutilation.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 7.8.03
Monday, August 04, 2003
MIA for so long now.
four days?
oh ok. that was not very long.
nothing interesting nowadays anyway.
just that right now, the weather
ah, the weather.
its near perfection
maybe a little more windy?
hhaha ok. whatever.
met lorr just now after school in town.
miss her so so so much!!!!
been so long since i last saw her.
great to know shes still same ol lorr.
saw poon. and lixuan!
been so long since ive seen lixuan
remember grace used to call her xuan mei
haha lixuan looks much prettier now.
went to SMU on saturday
it was a seminar cum symposium cum forum cum competition
dunno what its called.
but it was fun.
although it lasted for soooo long
from 9am to 6pm
one good good merit was the food!
the buffet was just simply smashingly fabulous.
phweeeeet.
im sure pang would agree!
there was this loser-fied guy from hcjc.
absolute disaster to the hcjc team
couldnt talk properly - too fast
swallowed all his words
gave that ya-ya-i-am-so-great
and everyone-is-looking-at-me look
so full of himself!
self indulging ignoramus.
yeeeuuch.
he was clicking the automatic thingie to change slides of the ppt
and he made the device look like an gun or smth
with all his
cool tricks
he crossed his arms
and so he changed slides with that device under his arm
err. like duh.
and their ppt slide even had
whooosh sounds to it.
in the end it just sounded like
click whoooosh click whoooosh click whoooosh
L-O-S-E-R
well i bet he was more than devastatedly devastated
when they got third place
tie with another team even!
HA!
serves him right.
oh wait.
i have to update you all on the way we got up to SMU
you see right, SMU is situated on a hill!
so after we got off at the bus stop,
tim directed us to walk through a park
we were gloating at the fact that other people were taking the longer route
but in fact, our route was far more tedious.
when i saw that we would eventually take a roundabout route
and seeing us being short of time
i suggested we just cut through the grass patch
and in the end,
we were faced with this huuuuge and taaaaall
mountain hill
and we had no choice but to climb up that thing.
(it was pangs idea to climb it)
tim was so agile. he managed to get up with no qualms
and i managed to do so by grabbing the grass hahah..
dirtied my hp in the process..
and what about pang!!!
he climbed halfway and fell back down to the bottom
so he had to climb up again.
it was hilarious.
there was this security guard standing at the top of the hill
and he was standing there laughing at us.
how charming.
tim said we were idiot
me: for suggesting we cut across the grass patch
pang: for suggesting we climb up that hill
but if we think about it, tim should be branded an idiot too!
for suggesting we walk through the park in the first place.
hmpphhhhh.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 4.8.03
