Thursday, May 29, 2003
i passed my econs. proved to tbs that though i talk so much i can still produce something! hmph. passed both my essay and data response. havent gotten back the mcq yet.
mr fahy's getting interesting by the day. not sure why. maybe it was just a change in my attitude. instead of falling asleep and wanting to be sleepy, i awaken my senses to everything he says. ok. almost everything.
charles did some really funny performance in our class today. courtesy of fahy asking him to come into our classroom to recite a poem and guess the author. it was really quite entertaining. after he recited it and guess the author correctly i couldnt help but clap. haha ok i know that was lame but it was just so funny. the whole class ended up clapping for him too. it was hilarious. the way he threw his pen out into the air from his pocket and caught it deftly again was entertaining in itself too. people walking outside our classroom couldnt help but stand and stare discreetly for a while. well we gotta thank charles for lightening the mood of the double period of prac crit.
finished reading the perfect husband already. i was quite sad when marion died. and i just knew that tess and JT would end up together. duh! so cliche. everyone who likes tension should go read it. its good. i wanna read the other daughter too. also by lisa-whatever-her-surname-is. maybe i shall go to the library near my house tomorrow to borrow.
which brings me to the highlight of this week. its sports carnival tomorrow! just a few hours away. i ought to be sleeping now to replenish myself with energy. im running for the 4x100m relay. my favourite event. (that doesnt equal to best event!) i just pray we can get top 3. then we can achieve a prize and glory for T6! wheeee. how exciting. haha yupp i cant wait.
ugh my stomach hurts. i just puked. and then ate four slices of papaya right away. and now the whole of my inside feels so queasy. auggghh.
ok i shall go sleep my eyes are dancing on the screen again.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 29.5.03
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
first time in so many weeks since school started,
there isnt a single ounce of homework for today
basically just wasted my day away. as usual. trained at spe. but didnt train much in the end either. cus we were all so tired. the weather was very very hot too. was in hope of catching sight of evelyn and her enoch. but it turned out that when i reached spe, the hockey match was already over. bummer. and later evelyn msged to tell me she wasnt even there.
came home. and all i have done is: eat dinner, wash dishes, read
my perfect husband, bathe, and now blog. just have no motivation to do any revision.
btw i passed my maths test. amazingly. i really thought i was gonna fail, and fail it real bad. turns out every single detail i scribbled added marks to my paper. thanksgiving to God.
nothing interesting today.
justin wrote something down on my paper which was really lame. but i dont have that piece of paper with me now. when i get it back i will blog it here and proclaim, on behalf of justin, how lame he can get.
thats all.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 27.5.03
Monday, May 26, 2003
this will be my last. very very last. no more after this. absolutely. my vow to myself. the first developed into the second. but ultimately there will not be a third. its ugly ugly ugly.
last night i was lying on my bed when i just started crying. it was not anguish nor agony nor despair. the tears came so suddenly. it overwhelmed. and i felt so relieved, so serene, so at peace. i couldnt feel any better. the tears flowed freely but i felt no pain. it seemed good in fact. i was smiling through my tears.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 26.5.03
had mass pe
again. were supposed to run 7 rounds. but we wanted to cheat and run 6 rounds only. however ms smith noticed. so we ran the full 7 rounds. the horrid singapore weather sure made it worse.
mr how-many-more-many-many-more isaac lim made us go through hell with the exercises.
each time we groaned in protest he said, first rule: dont complain. second rule: apply the first rule.
like how lame is that.
did everything excruciatingly tiring. the usuals. plus alot more grandstands. and 2 more rounds round the track! so in total we ran
nine rounds. brilliant.
i had a plaster on during pe over a cut on my hand. and after pe when i took off the plaster, i notice a very very faint difference in my skin colour shades! but its really quite insignificant. only when inspected real close then is it obvious.
oh what a beautiful day i had.
pray tomorrow will be better.
-
every time i look at you, baby, i see something new
that takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
i dont wanna sleep tonight, dreamings just a waste of time
when i look at what my lifes been comin to
im all about lovin you
Godrocksmysocks (: - 26.5.03
Sunday, May 25, 2003
oh shoot. my hand is really hurting now. dont ask why though. ugh. told you im not stoical. darn. btw gen, your whack on my hand is now officially what i call, a baluku! (translation: blue-black. or bruise) boo..
actually im discreetly wallowing in self inflicted happiness. haha what am i saying? see right, my parents expect me to vacuum the floor, else i will be forfeited of part of my allowance.. and well, i escaped it for two weeks already! as in. my mum didnt notice me not vacuuming the floor. in fact my father just did. and i got my full allowance this morning! i do hope and pray with all my heart that she will not make me go back to the old routine again. please...
oh yea. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY!! you wuss. -grinn
Godrocksmysocks (: - 25.5.03
Saturday, May 24, 2003
why does everyone see my blog in such a strange way
i shall write all my stuff without punctuation from now on so the funny stuff that appear in place of the punctuation wont be seen i was so sad when i found out that my blog appears strange ahh crap ok this looks so funny now however i think my words will still appear weird this is depressing i guess all of you are still having as much difficulty reading all this does this make you give up reading oh dear in this case no one will ever bother to read my blog sadddd see i cant even put exclamation marks to emphasis my despair in fear of my stuff looking gross but it still does doesnt it
oh btw daryl i didnt mean you were girlish lah i just said you looked like a butch haha that doesnt make you girly mah have you ever seen really girly guys i was going home with lorr the other day and at the mrt station we saw two gays it was excruciating eye sores thats the ultimate haha
was sad also because people were sad not only one but a few hope you all cheer up already
Godrocksmysocks (: - 24.5.03
Friday, May 23, 2003
i dont know where to begin. first of all, i cant stand this. you ask what
this is.
i will tell you:
this is sitting here all day, seeing you there in your cubicle, knowing that you said you never want to speak to me again.
this is watching you walk towards me, thinking you might have changed your mind, only to have you pass by without so much as even glancing in my direction.
this is knowing that you will walk out of here at the end of the day, that i will have no idea where you will be, what you will do, and that an abyss of time will elapse before you walk back in here the next day.
this is, or should i say, these are, the countless hours during which my mind leaves me, and pursues you out the door, following you in a journey that leads nowhere, right back where i started, sitting here thinking about
this.
-
adapted from
The Guy Next Door by Meggin Cabot.
beautiful, isnt it! i love it when i read a book and what i read clearly explains how i feel within. especially when i cant put down in words myself exactly how i feel. and this just sums it all up for me.
simply exquisite.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 23.5.03
Thursday, May 22, 2003
porcelain doll cracked
there was nothing within.
probably been like that
her whole life.
only emotions. no real substance.
all that spilled out
was
wretchness.
even blood.
was
inexistence.
-
forty two days. whole. fifteen. complete.
ten days. regrets. eight days. missed.
-
its all a facade
my nonchalant show
wont tell, cant tell
but i want you to know.
dear me. why am i wasting my time blogging??! i should be doing my lit assignment. and revising for tmr's maths test. if i do worse than max i'll have to treat him. oh crapppp. nvm max. you'll probably be able to keep your pockets safe this time. blehhh.
i just collected the photos. such dear memories. awwww.. happy happy!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 22.5.03
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
i shouldnt brood over such miseries. i shouldnt be so moody.
had drama today. brainstormed about the J1 performance coming up. got us so excited. its really exciting you know. productions and stuff. i just love performing.
as if you didnt know already. yupp. thats me. lover of performance. i cant wait!! -esta jumps around again- i just pray pray pray i can get to act. seems that this year's J1s are rather enthu about stuff. the guys' interests being a separate issue though. never mind. so yea. wheee.. keep the drama spirit burning and alive. hmm.
well another sadd round of mass pe. ran 6 rounds. then did all sorts of work out. crunches, sit ups, push ups (guy's style by the way) and jumping jacks. then the dreaded grandstand. blehh. but thats not all. just because the dear instincts of mine decided to wear stnicks shorts instead of the one-size-too-big cj shorts, i had to run an extra
two rounds! not worth it! not worth it! was simply a matter of me thinking with my heart instead of my head again. haii.
so right now i sit before the computer, my eyes are closing. i can feel my muscles sighing in resignment. and probably distaste. oh well. esta's gonna sleep now. and its only 8.50pm.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 21.5.03
under my finger under my toe
I¡¯m nobody¡¯s friend. I¡¯m nobody¡¯s foe
deep dark secrets hidden within
crushed my soul; no longer livin¡¯
wrapped around my little finger
delightful taste of heaven lingers
an empty space, an empty chair
rise from the floor to find it not there
puddle around my feet turns red
can¡¯t recall all that I¡¯ve said
thread dandelions; make a wreath
dignity and self-esteem now bereaved
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
leave me alone, damn, make it fast
impending doom, inevitable
stumble along, weak and feeble
don¡¯t ask when and don¡¯t ask why
many promises but even more lies
dream I¡¯m drowning in a river of pain
refuse to open my mouth to call your name
teeth are grit, hands are fisted
say goodbye; I¡¯m warped and twisted
-
second time i've blogged this. is there something wrong with my life..?
Godrocksmysocks (: - 21.5.03
Monday, May 19, 2003
alone
Lost in a swirl of emptiness
The air engulfed her soul
The feeling of being overwhelmed again
Leaving her all alone
Her integrity, her freedom of will
The feeling of being released
The sky it speaks on her behalf
And forces her to her knees
The silence, it subdued her might
And gave her peace within
Yet the space conceiving her emotions cant
Recall the turmoil they¡¯re in
As she bowed her head
And felt the pearls
Of tears cascading down
The feeling of being alone again
Threw her to the ground
-
haii why am i such a miserable person now.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 19.5.03
Sunday, May 18, 2003
i'm sick and tired of having to face you every weekend. it's just another round of excruciating inferiority and incompatibilty that i have to go through just merely talking to you. the way you talk the way you joke the way you put things across. just that. i cant stand how you always hurt me with those insensitive remarks and cutting comments. you give me the feeling that im really not up to it. and now it makes me wanna quit. i wanna just give up. i cannot put up with the way you give me the guilt trip countless of times. i know i was wrong. but others did the same too. true i do have a responsiblity. but im human as much as they are. and need i remind you? i have feelings too.
its a battle i've been fighting for so long now. you've subtly and unknowingly broken me.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 18.5.03
Saturday, May 17, 2003
ironic
an old man turned ninety-eight
he won the lottery and died the next day
it's a black fly in your Chardonnay
it's a death row pardon two minutes too late
isn't it ironic
don't you think
it's like rain on your wedding day
it's a free ride when you've already paid
it's the good advice that you just didn't take
who would've thought
it figures
mr. play-it-safe was afraid to fly
he packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
he waited his whole damn life to take that flight
and as the plane crashed down he thought
"well isn't this nice..."
and isn't it ironic
don't you think
well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
and life has a funny way of helping you out when
you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
in your face
a traffic jam when you're already late
a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
it's meeting the man of my dreams
and then meeting his beautiful
wife friend
and isn't it ironic
don't you think
a little too ironic
and yeah I really do think
life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
helping you out
-
days that close
brings me to heaven
the taste of sweet sorrow
still lingers
its not your fault
not one bit at all
just me, for being caught
Godrocksmysocks (: - 17.5.03
cjc drama public performance of 2003 is over. now im looking forward to the J1 performance! wheee. pray i get to act.
scared the heck out of so many people last night. dressed up in that soothsayer costume. black from head to toe. dark dark make up. who wouldnt be scared?? but it was great fun. seeing people's reactions. quite amusing. oh well. another chapter of my drama life comes to a close. eagerly waiting to begin on the next.
hectic. stuffed with so much work. one gp essay. two lit CA essays. two econs tests. all that maths to catch up with. im lagging. darn. whatever.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 17.5.03
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
today was another happy happy day!
the day was pretty normal in school. had to rush rush rush after school.
- have heats training at 2pm
- go alliance at 3pm
- reach sji at 430pm for heats (4x100m)
in the end we only trained for ten minutes. and i had to rush down to alliance. took cab.. but had to leave not long after reaching. had no characterisation rehearsals at all. rushed off again to sji. waited at the bus stop for nat, mira and rebecca. in the end we were the first girls team to reach. so early.
it was exciting! the very kind of tense feeling right before any competition or production. and i really urgently needed to release at the toilet. but hey, its always the case right.
in the end my team came in second for our heat.. and qualified for finals!
the tensified moments over. but now its training training training. probably the only group that bothered to train.. sports day's coming.
for our class for our class duh.
after heats.. towned with szuyu tav max and jason. went scotts food court to eat dinner. saw shuyun and friend!! been so long since i've seen her. the last time being the sars holiday? yupppp. didnt eat in the end. wasnt hungry then. and was really broke too.
reached home past nine. basically happy happy! cus of things that made me happy!! good good good day!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 14.5.03
Monday, May 12, 2003
The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
sara, neo, xiu!! loooook!!!!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 12.5.03
Saturday, May 10, 2003
i just candied myself with a whole lot of strepsil crumbles. its everywhere. on my shirt. on my shorts. on the chair. on the floor. in my mouth.
anyway being sick is a good excuse to let yourself sleeeeep for a full 3 hours in the afternoon. but in between being shocked out of sleep by incessant handphone ringing.
and bad dreams.
reached school at 10 in the morning for drama. it just turned into a "sharing" session between the 5 present troubadours and ms koh. on just about anything. talking = sure didnt do any good for my already-sore-and-cant-be-any-worse throat. ok that was just to emphasise the point. after all since i cant talk, i can still type.
got home. ate hor fun with
chilli. just cant do without. despite my throat being a great factor here.. then had that 3 hour long nap. ate 5 strepsils the whole day. eating a sixth now. plus all that medicine. and lozenges. maybe i shall just attribute it to the medicine making me drowsy. and thus that nap... excuses.
latest update: 7th strepsil.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 10.5.03
Friday, May 09, 2003
thought i would never see you again.
yet i did.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.5.03
such a great end for this day. started out really crappy. was so cranky. no use elaborating since i wont waste my breath on such shits. hahahahhahahhha!
went parkway to meet neo. bought our rhumba frapp! then went to vj with her. at first i was quite hesitant about going. but xiu managed to persuade me in the end. there was a soccer match between vj and sa. so i got to meet xiu too! havent seen either one of them in a long long time. as neo and i were walking into vj everyone walking by were staring. cus of my distinctive uniform. the only factory worker uniform on the compound. then we spotted xiu near the canteen after the big bus left. she was waving, we were waving. i couldnt stop grinning. missed them so much! yea. felt the impulse to run and hug her but felt it would have been qt embarrassing. (xiu felt the same too) and the first thing xiu said to me, "why you never buy for me!!" she was referring to the rhumba frapp that i was holding. hahaha well some things never change do they? -gringrin-
saw russel and becky. russel looked like a small boy still. seeing becky reminded me of carmen.. tried calling evelyn. but no answer.later we bought cup noodles to eat. the hot water wasnt hot! the noodles were still crunchy. saw evelyn then. no more like she saw me first. her phone was in her mum's car thats why no answer. (shoot. forgot to see the real life version of her enoch!!) saw the gay max too. we missed two goals by vj while sitting in the canteen!! after our fill we walked to the spectators stand to try to catch glimpse of the match. saw melvin. then we walked up and down but got there was no place vacant. either taken, if not, wet. as we were standing right in the middle of the spectators stand, serena booed me from behind!! apparently it was her friend who spotted "the cj girl there".
in the end we walked back to the canteen to sit and talk. saw aimei. took one photo. one only lor! at half time we purposely walked to the spectators stand to get a seat while everyone went to the canteen to get a drink etc. so we finally got seats! as we were walking to the specs stand i saw my sa eyecandy. when i was there for the first few days..
finally daddy came at 6pm. so early. but i requested that time so cant say anything. should have requested for a later time. called serena to say bye. evelyn had left early before that already.
today ended on such a high note i dont wanna let it go.. saw so many people. from vj and sa. made me happy happy happy!
thanks neo! thanks xiu!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 9.5.03
Thursday, May 08, 2003
homesick. has two meanings for me.
one: sick at home
two: sick of home
didnt go to school today. officially woke up at 10.50am to have breakfast. bathed, then went to the polyclinic. i spent a total of 2 hours there. there were not many people but the waiting time was a killer. watched the TVHealth thing about autistic kids. in the doctor's room, i covered my mouth to cough. and the doctor scolded me. (!!) said i have to cough into a tissue, flush it down the toilet bowl, then immediately go and wash my hands. she sounded so pissed off. hey at least i covered my mouth ok.
came home, ate lunch, then fell asleep for an hour. lazed around the house. until now. i better get down to doing my gp homework.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 8.5.03
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
woke up to find myself dying from pain rising from my throat. it was so dry and coarse it felt like sand lining my oesophagus. endured the whole day without talking, drinking 3 whole bottles of water, and getting absolutely frustrated. just as i thought it couldnt get any worse, i began to
feel under the weather. FLU. yes. esther tan is falling ill.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 7.5.03
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
brother paul was being such a nice guy yesterday. all J1s could reach school at 10am. because of some awards presentation that involved J2s and last year's batch only. so us, being inconsequential in this aspect, didnt need to attend school for the first half of the morning. my class took the opportunity to meet for breakfast. met at macs. nim was clearly displaying her gullibility again (!!).. but thats what makes life so interesting. right nim? -esta grinnns widely-
anyway. im quite a happy girl today. got back econs tests (essay and mcq) yupp. studying really pays off.
yuck i am such a nerd!
ok now onto why im not a happy girl today. my father keeps maligning me! he can blow just a simple action of mine into something so huge that it seems my actions started the war in iraq. i had just finished giving out the rice for dinner. then my father said he didnt want so much. he was standing in my way. so i just nudged him to a side to put my bowl down. and sort of indicated that he can go put his rice back if he wants. and because of that he began on his scolding fest. he made it seem like what i did angered the whole nation. was i being rude? ugh.
piss me off.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 6.5.03
Monday, May 05, 2003
max is an idiot!
read the previous entry. about the pact thing. well we both got our maths test papers back today. at first we were only counting the pact thing from the next test onwards. but he said can count from this one. i said better decide before i get my paper back if not it wont be fair. so he said confirm count from this one.
im sorry to say i beat you in this test!
ok thats beside the point. but still on the same topic. im really quite glad i scored pretty well for the maths test. at least that lim ks cant look down on me anymore. this feels good!
my brother's stupid friend just lied to me. i picked up the phone. it was my brother's friend. i asked him his name, he said martin. and after my brother put down the phone, he said it was nicola. (thats a boy btw). idiot. i feel so cheated.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 5.5.03
Sunday, May 04, 2003
i turned many heads today. why? all because of my 'dua' family..
my maternal side family went to a not so high class chinese restaurant near my house for dinner. my uncle was treating. well one of my cousins came in late. she came in with her total attitude. slammed her water bottle on the table. hit the table. (ouch). gave a black face. hit the table once more. and stomped out. just like that. she came and went like a tornado.
cool
everyone else in the restaurant turned and looked. first at my dua family. then at the retreating figure of my cousin. my uncle came over. and said some stupid stuff. kinda irked me, my sis and my other cousin. so the three of us went out of the restaurant to look for my black faced cousin. that turned even more heads. looked at the three of us walk out. then back at my family again. apparently my cousin took a cab and was on her way HOME. but in the end she came back because my uncle who was treating us called and talked to her. oh well. so much for a drama family. no qualms.
there. that's my dua family for you.
ugh
made two pacts today.
first one was with lorr. haha.
if im smart, you're smart too!
second was with max. whoever gets lower for maths tests would have to treat the other!! we're both gonna be broke.
Godrocksmysocks (: - 4.5.03
Saturday, May 03, 2003
i pray im not falling ill. i keep getting warm all over. headache. and that runny nose. physically tired and so full of fatigue. its killing me. ugh. im not ill. im not ill. i will not be ill.
yesterday we had our first class outing. i feel so proud as the welfare chairman that it turned out so well. hahahahha.. i was actually getting really worried our plans would not be fulfilled.. we postponed the outing to friday after school. but in the morning a few people were saying they couldnt make it. josh pang had rugby. nut had hockey.. etc etc. we were supposed to go seoul garden to celebrate liz's birthday. but ultimately everyone was kinda broke. so dora suggested california pizza. the offer of the 2 for 1 pizza thing. in the end a total of 15 people went! so amazing. thats more than half of the class. josh pang's rugby was cancelled also. went to the california pizza at far east. the place just didnt look that pizza-joint-ish.. if you know what i mean. but we made do. and all of us made so much noise. the food was good. the price was good. everything about it was good. after that we had 'deserts'.. that is watching josh pang and tim get tricked at the turkish ice cream place. tim was so smart!
went hyatt toilet.. then walked home.
tired tired tired. im still tired. i feel so tired all over. im getting tired even talking about my tiredness. darn i still feel warm. groans. i dont want to fall ill. no!
Godrocksmysocks (: - 3.5.03
